Ron Gallagher just dug up some hilarious code we wrote back in the days designed to induce people to look at and ultimately click on our banner ads. Note, this is not recommended or even legal with most ad networks (e.g. Google Adsense) today. This code was written ten years ago when things still a bit more wild west and before we gave much thought to click-quality. If you are a decent sized publisher, inducing or creating false clicks will ultimately hurt your earnings, as the best ads are those that result in a sale on the advertiser’s site. If you encourage bad clicks, you’ll end up with bad advertisers that don’t convert real customers for your sponsors — and your eCPMs will ultimately adjust downward because of it.

That said, these click inducements are still hilarious. Good times.

rmf=# select * from lines;
id | list
—-+—————————————————————————————————————————–
1 | God commands you to click on this banner
2 | If you hate hair in your mouth, click on this banner
3 | If you like kittens, click on this banner
4 | God would want you to click on this banner
10 | You cannot buy love, but you can click on this banner
11 | Clicking on this banner will not help you, but it will make us like 4 cents or something
12 | Do not click on this banner
13 | If you have rats in your home, clicking on this banner will make them nicer
14 | Banners are… well… you know the drill
15 | If you like paper hats you are a dork. Click the banner
16 | Our advertiser [above] wanted us to tell you that their product is really good
18 | Don`t think of it as clicking a banner — think of it as `button sex`
19 | The above ad has been tested for fun and scored a 10!
20 | People will think you are cool if you click on this banner
21 | Your mom might stop putting poison in your milk if you click on this banner
23 | No trees were destroyed in the making of the above banner
24 | No animals were harmed in the creation of the banner above
25 | If you think that we are cheap putting banners up on every page, teach us a lesson and click the banner so hard it breaks
26 | If you wear glasses, DO NOT click on this banner. It is for non-dorks only
27 | If you click on this banner, your penis will get bigger. [IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are a girl, DO NOT click on this banner!]
(20 rows)

Times reporter Matt Richtel called me this week to discuss the rapid growth of my first RateMy site, RateMyFace. Two days ago Matt called me back and told me his editors couldn’t publish our URL in the article since we allow users age 13 and up (whereas AmIHotorNot is 18+), even though our site launched over a year ago and there have been no issues with any of our members. Better than nothing, they still published some quotes of mine — but it is a shame that AmIHotorNot is going to get the major credit for my concept.

For example, Michael Hussey, 22, a recent graduate of the University of Maine, helped found Infinite Medium, a company that has a similar site, except that his site has become something of a dating hub. It has had roughly 7,000 pictures and gets 150,000 page views a day, and it is not restricted to adults. The site says it is open to anyone 13 or older. No pornography is allowed, but teenagers can and do post seductive images with suggestive user names and self-descriptions.

”We’re putting the responsibility in the hands of the surfers,” Mr. Hussey said, adding that parents needed to take care about where their children went online.